InsaneJournal

Current mood:

confused

mcanallys_pub - Handwritten letter to House
((reposted from LiveJournal))

Greg (complete with loopy 'G') -

I don't know why you don't want to talk to me, so I have to do this this way.

The simple version is - you scared me, then you abandoned me.

Forget about words for the moment, this is about perceptions. I felt abandoned.

Now, while I wasn't expecting hugs and placating words of tenderness - because you don't operate that way - I was hoping you weren't quite so cold-hearted.

But let's back-up. How did you frighten me - I'm sure you want to know. It wasn't any one specific thing, but the combination of everything - food, money, sitting up all night, not fucking with me - without reason, that did it. I don't mind being put off-balance by you, but when half of what you do in the course of a twelve-hour period is out-of-character, it's going beyond 'off-balance'.

Here's where I get pissed off - I told you that you were scaring me (after asking what was going on) and your response was to leave. Just leave. That made no sense and was not helpful. You do what you do because it's right, but what was 'right' about leaving me there?
and I'm having the weirdest sense of deja vu

I've never asked you for anything you weren't going to give anyway. But can you honestly tell me you don't have a single ounce of human compassion? You must. You have to. You've been in love before (don't read more into that than is there, House), you know what comes with the territory. I'm not asking you to change. I want you to be you. I like you the way you are. That is why I freaked when you were acting different.

Am I in love with you? No. I don't think so. Do I think I could be at some point? Maybe. Does that scare me? A little.

I want you. I like being with you. If you want something (or don't want something) - ask me. If you want me to do something (or not do something) - ask me. But please, don't keep me in the dark about what you're doing, why you're doing it and what you want - it's scary there and it hurts to not understand what you're doing and what you want from me.

This is longer than I'd planned it to be, but I needed to get all of this out. It was crushing me. Even if you never see this, I feel better and that was the point.

I'd ask if you understand now, but since you're not actually reading this, it doesn't matter.

I don't know how to better explain this to you, so this will have to do.

                                                                                                                                           A. Cameron